Mama has been unwell for some time.

She has been in hospital for the last 2 months. She has a rare kind of stomach bug with makes her feel very weak. Usually she can only stay awake for a few hours a day.

It is very depressing to see her like this..

We visit every few days now.

My little sister Juli and I have been sent to live with Aunty who lives quite far away. So we have changed schools.

I...don't really like it.

I feel the people do not except me. They have known each other for a very long time. I am the only new person.

There is a Belmont-like boy in the class.

A very charismatic, cute boy in the class who talks to me a lot. He showed me around the school on the first day and is in all the clubs, in all my classes, subjects and even church.

There is always a blank space next to him so the new teachers put me there and we're assigned to do all projects together. He's always near me.

It was very natural to develop a crush on him.

And that is what has happened.

But the blank spaces next to him used to be his girlfriend's.

Aa.

She is a rich popular girl who is now in England, London for the year.

They are still together so it is just wrong to crush on him.

All the other people in class can see this and so can he.

And as a result he always turns on the charm, touches my arm, smiles sweetly at me, says all the right things to me- reassuring me about mama, moving schools, all the right things to make me like him even more.

But also, he does some questionable things.

After church everyone went to his house but we ended up staying quite late. He tried to get me to stay overnight at his house. Which is very strange. No guy I know is ever like that.

He talked about it in front of other people.

He said things like "You can have my room and I can sleep on the couch. Or maybe if you're scared to be alone downstairs we could both sleep on the couches." he then smiled quite sweetly.

What kind of girl does he think I am?? :angry:

Everyone now thinks I'm desperate to get him and replace his girlfriend.

I could not say anything to him, I was a little freaked out. So I phoned Aunty to help me out. She yelled over the phone so I made it my excuse to go back home.

But now. Now it's too late and I've found out a lot of girls really like him. So noone in the class goes near me but him. And because of him people further their distance.

I have a feeling he knows this too.

When girls are near he will act very nicely towards me. It is scary for me as I know I am not pretty or outstanding in anyway. His acting is so deliberate.

How can you control a crush?

I can not turn to Berumotuto or Belmont now.

In fact over the Summer my main aim was to stop this crush on Belmont.

Lately I have been compelled to draw more pictures of him to remind myself I should not like this boy with a girlfriend.

But really both are equally unhealthy.

And I really can't ignore these feelings. I really can't. I'm 15!! It should be normal too.

I see him all the time at school.

He is everywhere I go even in Church which used to be a sanctuary.

I can only pray for Mama to heal faster then the 5 months the doctor has told us. So our livies can return to normal.

What do I do?